The Other Side

I normally deal with weddings very badly. I absolutely hate meeting a zillion people whom I hardly know, telling me how thin I've become and how my cheeks have sunk and how they last saw me when I was a little kid and how I am such a bright boy for topping my class / cracking my boards / getting into IIT, depending upon the time period when this happened. I'm quite sure they would have said all of that even if they had seen me just a few years ago, because neither them nor us would remember it anyway and it's quite safe to tell a boy that he's become thinner and taller because all boys tend to become thinner and taller by default.

Further, being such a spoilt brat when it comes to food (yeah, you know who my Mom is), I deal badly with the food at weddings in general. Plus I hate the fact that I have to stand in a queue just to congratulate somebody on their marriage. But the thing I deal with the most badly is the hypocrisy of it all: so many people trying to be polite to people whom they hardly care about, and making forced conversation trying to be oh-so-witty.

Now, for my brother's wedding, I found myself on the other side of the celebrations: this time I was on the stage with my family. Standing there for hours with a plastic smile etched upon my face, posing for pictures with people I've never met and probably will never meet again. All my usual wedding blues amplified a thousand fold because I am the host rather than the guest. Yech. I still have to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

And aaarrgggh, the rituals, I could rant on that for hours. Symbolism is ok, and a mild amount of ceremony to commemorate a special event is acceptable. But two days of it is pointless, meaningless overkill. I didn't know what to tell my Grandmother while she kept talking about the things she expected in the rituals but were not there because their traditions varied from ours. So I kept my mouth shut, and didn't say a word to my parents about what I thought about the whole wedding because they were obviously very happy with how well everything went. Personally I think tying the thali and having one long party after that makes more sense than these elaborate weddings.

The end result is that my brother is now married, in the manner that my parents wanted, and to the kind of girl that my parents wanted: an orthodox Telugu girl of our caste living in Tamil Nadu. Her family is in the textiles business. She's never heard of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or Mozilla Firefox for that matter, but who cares if she hardly reads books or touches computer keyboards? She just wasn't raised that way. I'm sure she'll do a good job cooking, raising the kids, managing the household, etc. She's a very nice person too; I like her.

Everybody seems to be happy. Except for me.... I just can't help shaking my head at everything. I keep trying to delude myself into believing that the world is changing, society is changing, my parents are changing.... but if all that is happening, it's too excruciatingly slow for me.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

The Fifth Gear

Apart from an affinity for the Need for Speed series of computer games and the sport of Go-Karting, I have no major love for driving cars. As far as possible, I prefer to take the motorbike rather than the car. Still, when I dropped my brother at the railway station late in the night, driving a slalom through the speed blocks on chennai's arterial roads, I couldn't help but enjoy the experience. I guess my aversion is to traffic, rather than to driving cars as such. On a motorbike I can whizz through the choking metropolitan traffic with impunity. On the other hand, driving a mile-wide car under the same conditions invariably has me crawling along the road with 10 near-heart-attacks a minute thanks to reckless drivers. My Dad's solemn advice of "While driving, assume that every other person on the road is mad," is probably the only thing that has kept our car dent-free while I am at the wheel.

So, unused to having an empty road in front of me, I'm still driving at a sedate pace, and my impatient brother asks, "Why don't you shift to the fifth gear?"

I paused, and muttered, "Oh... does this car have a fifth gear?" even though I knew that he knew that I knew that every car these days has a fifth gear, leave alone our own. For heaven's sake, I'm a mechanical engineer. So, for the first time in the four years that I've known how to drive a car, I shifted to the fifth gear.

On the way back, I wondered why I've never shifted to the fifth gear on the occasions that I've had the good fortune of being able to drive above 50kmph within the city. One reason is that I was only taught upto the fourth gear at the driving school, because those ancient Maruti 800s had only four gears. Ok, that's a really dumb reason. The other, equally - dumb - but - nevertheless - true, reason is simply that I've never done it before.

So, while I was musing over the fact that I've finally used the fifth gear (even though I've had the opportunity for four years) after my brother pointed it out to me, the strength of the allegory hit me. The beauty of the metaphor deserves this blog post. How often in life have we not tried something just because we've never done it before? How many times have we under-performed or failed because of an illogical resistance to change? Until somebody points out to us in the correct manner that something can be done better, there is a tendency to stay rooted in mediocrity under the pretext of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

So, go on. Try something new today. Maybe it will put your life into fifth gear.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

Super Mom

A Note on Privacy: I realize that this post gives away who I am exactly, as well as a lot of info on my Mom, but I reckon this is nothing compared to what has already been published in the media, and I personally have no problems with revealing my identity completely.

Well... I stumbled across a little comment from Tipsy to her sister on how they always end up mentioning their Mom in almost every blog post. And I realized that the same's the case with me! Heavens! Why is this so? I don't see it happening on most other blogs!! So I have the cure-all: I'm putting up a full post dedicated to my Mom. Maybe then my blog will become Mom-free!

My Mom is S.Mallika Badrinath, renowned culinary expert of Tamil Nadu. She's written 18 books translated into 5 languages, given TV shows on cooking on various channels for the past 12 years. There's hardly a Tamil housewife in the world who hasn't heard about her. I remember, she once got a feeler from a political party. Of course she said she was not interested, but I'm quite sure that if she stood for any sort of election, she would win, because all men are controlled by their wives!!

What's admirable about her achievements is her humble beginnings: she studied in a modest school and a modest college in the little town of Salem near Coimbatore. She knew nothing about cooking beyond any normal housewife when she moved to Chennai after marriage. While my Dad was away for extended periods because of his work, she would experiment in the kitchen for lack of anything else to do! All she had to go by were her Grandmother's notes.

Today, my Mom is kind of an authority on cooking... her knowledge of the little tricks that one should know to make every single dish that extra bit tastier, easier and faster to cook is amazing. She also makes it a point to give importance to the health and nutrition aspects of cooking, and surprises even me with modifications of known dishes, or new experimental dishes, that are as healthy as they are tasty. Combine all this with her sweet and easy demeanour, and you can see why she is such a hit.

Her fame comes at a price, though. Now, she continues to write cookbooks and give TV shows; helps manage our Masala powder factory (MHP Masala) along with my Dad; writes for various magazines; gives cooking demonstrations and a few classes on occasion; acts as a consultant for hire; apart from continuing to learn things in cooking and nutrition, managing the household, and pursuing her own interests in Spirituality and Yoga. It's a wonder how she manages all this with just 24 hours a day! She is recognized everywhere we go, and it's impossible to travel in peace with her by train. She gets a zillion fan calls and letters every day!

Some of these letters are hilarious. There was one from a woman who said she was being harrassed by her M-i-L because of her poor cooking skills... she pleaded with my Mom for help and said she would commit suicide if she didn't get a reply. You must be wondering what is so funny about all this... it seems very serious... well, basically the letter had no "From" address.

There was another call from a singer... forget her name... she's given her voice for quite a few hit movie numbers. She wanted some tips on losing weight. My Mom replies, "Good Luck! If you do find out, let me know, I need to lose some weight myself!" The point is, knowing is not the same as doing... it requires a strict low-carbohydrate diet combined with physical workout sessions to make it happen... which surely won't work for us rice-eaters.

I guess I'm not actually proud of my Mom for her achievements, as much as I am for the fact that she is a great Mom. Today I give utmost importance to honesty, integrity, compassion and altruism; and this is all thanks to the values instilled in me from a young age by my Mom. The philosophy that one should always do one's bit to improve the world around us; to continually teach and learn; and to give people infinite chances to become better human beings are what I've adopted from my Mom, and I wholeheartedly believe in them myself now.

In spite of my Mom being so totally super, I know for a fact that she feels somewhat unappreciated because of some incorrigible family habits: my Dad and I can't bring ourselves to give compliments, but we're free with criticism. And we've never had the habit of saying nice things or giving gifts or any such thing. I know my Mom knows that I love her, but I've never figured out how to tell her how much I really do.

I envy the people who can express their innermost feelings to others clearly. I can expound on any technical topic better than most people, but when it comes to expressing my feelings I am a duck.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

Can't believe I am doing this...

Yup. Keerthi (relax Kirthi... I meant sensiblystoned) has tossed me the baton... kind of like those ghost - to - ghost - hookups in The Three Investigators, so I'm supposed to talk about the books I read and pass this on to 5 others. Well, I will talk about the books, but I'm not going to pass this on, because like in a lot of other things in life, the buck stops here.

Total Number of Books I Own:

Okay, so I did sort out all the junk in my room and arranged my books neatly, but seriously, count them??!!!

Last Few Books I Bought:

Jerle Shannara Trilogy by Terry Brooks. A few good fantasy concepts, but overall not a great read. Tries to combine Science Fiction with Fantasy and fails miserably. I heard the Kingdom of Shannara series is better. Perhaps I'll read it if I find it in a library.

Talons of a Silver Hawk by Raymond Feist. This is the first book of the Conclave of Shadows series. Not a bad book, but not all that exciting either... but places the story in a very interesting situation, so I'm sure the next book will be worth buying.

Tombs of A'tuan by Ursula Le Guin. Second book of the Earthsea Cycle. Excellent book, better than the first book, Wizard of Earthsea, which was interesting too. Am trying hard to find the third book!

Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett. First book of the Discworld series. Too funny! Terry Pratchett is to fantasy what Douglas Adams is to Science Fiction! Don't read if you're not already a fantasy fiction fan or a geek, you'll totally miss the satire otherwise!

Last Book I Read:

Monsoon by Wilbur Smith. Too reminiscent of Birds of Prey. He really ought to have been more original this time. Good book for timepass, but it's too obvious that he wrote it just to make more money since the Courteney series was already such a hit, and people were bound to buy this one.

Last Book I Re-read:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire :) What can I say, I'm going to re-read Order of the Phoenix next, in preparation for Half-Blood Prince!!

Currently Reading:

Some food book my Mom asked me to read... health and nutrition and all that... she wants me to be more educated on these things. Actually I don't mind, I'm going to read it through... I hope..

My Mom's first cookbook! Yup, It's been 17 years since it came out, but since I'm learning cooking only now, I'm reading it properly for the first time! Am particularly mugging up the translations of various things between Tamil, Telugu, Hindi and English. I don't want to be picking up the wrong dhal off the shelf because I forgot what the English name is...

Books that have made an impression upon me:

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Just love the characters of Francisco D'Anconia and Dagny Taggart. But relax... I'm not one of those serious Randian philosophizers.

The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin. What a contrast from her fantasy novels! A Science Fiction book with no Science Fiction in it. In the same category as 1984 and Brave New World, only a zillion times better.

Catcher in the Rye by J.D.Salinger. A timeless classic, a touching story about all the hypocrites in the world that we see but don't acknowledge, and often join.

Illusions by Richard Bach. A highly metaphorical story that teaches us about how one must discover one's own capabilities, and have faith in oneself.

Books I'm Waiting For:

Wheel of Time, Book 11: The Knife of Dreams by Robert Jordan. Okay, so this brilliantly conceptualized series totally lost momentum after Book 4, but I'm still going to read it till the finish!!

A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 4: A Feast for Crows by George R. R. Martin. This is one amazing series, totally different from traditional fantasy fiction! Read it to understand how! Not for kids, though... this is the first fantasy series I've read (apart from Wilbur Smith's River God and it's sequel, Warlock) that's really graphic on the sexual content...

Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling. After converting a brilliant fantasy work into a soap thanks to Order of The Phoenix, I'm hoping this book will recapture the magic.

Books I've been told to read:

Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Sigh. One of my friends (a girl, obviously) (her name is Prathusha) told me to read this because I don't understand women. Like I'm alone in that.

Some self help book on improving my conversation skills, forgot the name. Same girl. Says I have trouble making myself understood. Double sigh. Kirthi, you reading this? Laughing your head off yet?


Okay, I guess everything I've said above is a little too concise and I could't really tell all the things I wanted to and couldn't list all the books I wanted to, plus I couldn't make a list of must-read books in my opinion because all this would take too long... puff... pant... I'm out of breath.

Cheers,
SP.

Vice, then Wise?

When Tipsy expressed her surprise that I don't smoke or drink in spite of 5 years in a hostel (that too in an IIT!!), I must admit that what I felt was not pride for myself but shame for the rest of the world.

Important note: I'm not an orthodox thair-sadham-bred brahmin like Jaydee, who positively flipped out when he saw some hundreds of students, including many of his friends whom he thought above reproach, getting drunk together late in the night on our annual hostel day celebrations. The point is that I don't really consider smoking and drinking (or even dope) as major sins, as long as one does it because he/she WANTS to, and does it with a sense of control and moderation. If a person feels ashamed of it, or finds it affecting his life adversely, but continues simply from addiction then he earns my disgust.

No, what I do find sad is that people take it for granted that in certain environments, EVERYBODY starts doing these things. Peer pressure? Temptation? All reasons sound ridiculous to me, but nevertheless, it is true that these are indeed the reasons why people adopt these vices. And that I find really pathetic.

To me, alcohol is to be avoided because I treasure my precious brain and hate to allow any artifiicial things to affect it's functioning. That's why I even avoid caffeine in all its forms: coffee, aerated drinks, etc. Besides, if I don't enjoy it, and I know it's harmful anyway, why take it? I hate cigarette smoke as well, but I've been forced to be tolerant because some of my friends do smoke.

I don't think any less of those people who've tried smoking or drinking and perhaps overdid it at some point, as long as they learnt their lesson after that. I know people who only drink socially and in moderation; who smoke occassionally to relieve stress but never chain-smoke; etc. As long as you are responsible about your vice, it is ok, because it's not much worse than being a coffee or chocolate addict. But if you can't be the master of your own body and mind, you lose your health as well as the respect of those around you.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

The Devil's Luck

One of my favourite fantasy characters of all time is a chap called Mat Cauthon in The Wheel of Time. After an episode with a cursed dagger that almost had him possessed, this guy was cured but was left with one fortunate side effect: luck! Every time there there was something where completely random factors were involved, things would always turn out in his favour. He would win all dice and card games hands down, etc etc.

Exit Mat Cauthon, Enter (trumpets blow) SP. Did you know that I have almost always won some small prize in Housie or Lucky Dip or Lottery or something like that? Never a big prize, though. But some prize. Almost always. You can try it out, too... just think of me and write down my name at the next lucky dip you can be a part of, and tell me if you got a prize! Of course, you'd have to send it to me, since it's in my name :p

Every single astrologer I've met, whether he's read my palm or my horoscope or whatever, has told me that I'm a really lucky person. Well I don't need them to tell me that. Lady Luck always smiles upon me. I've seen a lot of people struggle hard to get the things in life that they want. At almost every stage, they face problems, unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances constantly seeking to flatten to rubble what they worked so hard to build. On the other hand, I've always had it easy. I can't put it all down to careful and meticulous planning, because I'm not really that good a planner. Even if I were, it still doesn't explain how things always work for me. There definitely must be someone up there taking care of me.

I've tried to answer the question, "Do you believe in Luck?" unsuccessfully for something like half my short lifetime. The fact of the matter is that I still don't know what that question means. Nobody can depend upon luck... but one can and must do one's best, and hope that fortune favours the brave.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

The Mom Factor

I've made a mathematical discovery that matches the value of Pi and the Golden Ratio in its importance and fundamentality... I call it the "Mom Factor". Value = 3.00.

Yup. Thats the factor by which you multiply any number mentioned by your Mom. Example situations:

- I'll get ready in 10 minutes and then we'll go => she'll be down in half an hour
- Lets go now and hand over the wedding invitations to two of my friends in Mandaveli => you'll be visiting 6 people
- We'll stopover at Nilgiri's to buy a few provisions => few*3 = too many for my patience
- Here, have a slice of mango => there'll be 3 on your plate
- Hurry! We only have 5 minutes left! => you have fifteen minutes left.
- We need to go buy you a dress => any guesses how many dresses we'll end up buying?

Cheers,
Prashanth.