When words are no good

If I have to select a favourite among my cousins, it would probably be her. Slightly younger than me; pretty and ready with a smile and a teasing rejoinder for everything. At every family event - like weddings - she would try to pull in my brother and I into a game of Anthakshari with the rest of our cousins. Us sober folk, of course, would never join in... listening to me trying to sing would be like listening to a donkey giving an opera.

About two years ago, she got married, a very good alliance for them: the groom's family lived in australia and were doing well for themselves. They chose this little (yeah, to me all my female cousins are little because they are so short!) girl from that little town partly because they had some mutual acquaintances, and partly because the groom wanted a "housewife" wife - someone who would be great at running the household and taking care of him and his parents. Something for which she was perfect for. And of course, he probably fell for her smile the moment he saw her photograph - or so we teased her.

She has a one-year old kid now, and a couple of months ago she came back home with her husband and the baby to visit her family. Everybody was so happy.

It began innocuously, with a toothache. He went to the dentist, who recommended that the tooth be pulled out as soon as possible. And so, he did. We will never know what went wrong with the simple procedure. Or perhaps it was not related at all. But, the next day, he complained of dizzy spells, like he felt like fainting. The day after that, he did faint - while climbing a flight of stairs - and fell unconscious ten feet to the ground from the first floor railing.

The small town hospital was not equipped for this. They rushed him to a good hospital in the nearest city. They said he had a clot in the brain, and he had gone into a coma, and his life was in serious danger. I'm not sure how many days he lasted in the ICU, but he died. Leaving behind a grieving 23-year old widow with an infant, and two shattered families.

What can one say in the face of such senseless, mind-numbing tragedy? Nothing. Nothing you say can ever be good enough to mean anything. The cousin who was always ready with a laugh, a smile and a tease - now I wonder if I will ever see her smile again.

As if to say, this can happen to anyone, even you, the dead man's name was Prashanth.

It almost seems selfish to think of one's own troubles when such things happen in this world. Take back this one thought with you today: it could happen to anybody, even you. Do not turn away from tragedy and into the comfortable shell of your life, thinking, "This has nothing to do with me," for it could easily have been you. Open yourself up to all things happening out there in the world - good and bad - and feel. For others.

For if it ever happens to you, would you want others to shudder, turn their backs and say, "I'm glad it has nothing to do with me"?

Sorry, I'm disabling comments on this post. It seemed the appropriate thing to do.

When it's hard to be indignant...

"... but she thinks he's a bit of a snob, and she asked me how I can stand sitting next to him and working with him everyday."

"Yeah, actually, when he started working here, I thought he was a snob as well..."


No, I'm not pouting inane watercooler gossip here on my blog. That was the conversation between two of my friends. About me. With me standing next to them. Wearing a dumbfounded expression on my face while they continued talking that way - in all seriousness, at that!

I tried gasping and spluttering for a few seconds, but heck, all I could really do was smile. This is where the "Frankly, this is what I think, but I don't have the time or inclination to talk about this further, so bye" attitude really backfires. I mean, an opinion expressed is not a positive contribution unless you stand around for a painfully detailed argument. Fortunately for me, at least my friends don't think I'm that much of a snob any more... they know that it's simply the way I am. I speak bluntly - "Abrasively," as my advisor himself put it - and don't know how to sugar-coat my messages.

When is it hard to be indignant? When the accusation's true, no matter what the justifications, mitigating factors and extenuating circumstances. I guess when people get to know you well, they understand that that's just the way you are, and you're not being condescending... just... self-centred. But why are people so afraid of being judged, that they end up judging others?

Cheers,
Prashanth.