"... but she thinks he's a bit of a snob, and she asked me how I can stand sitting next to him and working with him everyday."
"Yeah, actually, when he started working here, I thought he was a snob as well..."
No, I'm not pouting inane watercooler gossip here on my blog. That was the conversation between two of my friends. About me. With me standing next to them. Wearing a dumbfounded expression on my face while they continued talking that way - in all seriousness, at that!
I tried gasping and spluttering for a few seconds, but heck, all I could really do was smile. This is where the "Frankly, this is what I think, but I don't have the time or inclination to talk about this further, so bye" attitude really backfires. I mean, an opinion expressed is not a positive contribution unless you stand around for a painfully detailed argument. Fortunately for me, at least my friends don't think I'm that much of a snob any more... they know that it's simply the way I am. I speak bluntly - "Abrasively," as my advisor himself put it - and don't know how to sugar-coat my messages.
When is it hard to be indignant? When the accusation's true, no matter what the justifications, mitigating factors and extenuating circumstances. I guess when people get to know you well, they understand that that's just the way you are, and you're not being condescending... just... self-centred. But why are people so afraid of being judged, that they end up judging others?
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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9 comments:
I am not the only one who thinks you are a snob :D
- R
Oh well..its important to be aware of what people think of you..so its good that they really did speak about it in front of you..
the worst is to be judged for something you didn't mean in the first place..
Hmm.. I guess I never thought of you as a snob.. but than I am self centred :P
I personally don't care what others think of me. Heck, I go out of my way to make sure they have an altered impression of me :)
People have pre-conceived notion on most things and they will form an opinion of you without really knowing you. If they end up knowing you, they will reform their views, otherwise it's their loss.
The way I think of it is, why care what 99.999% of the wolrd thinks of you? Even the 0.001% that knows you, will have their version of reality :)
Plain and simple. People don' like the truth: they know it but don't want it pointed out to them. That's why they hate being judged.
Why don't you try something put a mirror right next to where you work and try working..doesn't it make you conscious? Wish that your mannerisms weren't like that? Wish your hands weren't so bony or your hair so thin...but after all its the truth...you are like that...but would u like someone to point it out to you? People who know you have learnt to look beyond it. People who don't probably keep looking at it.
The truth hurts, so it is better to sugar coat some things.
I know you're a gem of a person Prashanth, but everyone has some qualities which aren't appreciated by all.
Since the damage has already been done, there are only two things you can do: (1) If you don't care about it, just remain who you are, and don't bother about their future opinions too, since they're already pretty biased. (2) If you do want to set things right, maybe you may want to cut down a bit on that perfect English, pronunciation, knowledge about things etc., at least when you're with them. Maybe don't appear that opinionated either.
Hopefully this will help! Cheers :)
R,
And clearly you're not surprised :)
Artful,
Yes... good thing they said it in front of me... it probably means it doesn't bother them any more.
Sakshi,
I don't much care for what people think about me either, or said incident wouldn't have had the chance to occur!
Anon,
Wow... that was profound. Thanks... seriously. But my friends do like me now, and everything's cool as long as I'm concerned. And I'm not THAT good at english or THAT knowledgeable to be cutting down on those things :) - if it bothers the rest of the world, I'm fine with it.
I know I said worse things about you :D.
And there lies the difference between love and like.
- R
I have no comments for the particular things that your friends thought about you. But if I were you, I would be glad that I have reached that level of comfort with my friends that they are honest in their conversation with me. This means that you have crossed onto the other side - you have broken that barrier of fake politeness, which seems to be all pervasive. Until that point, most conversations, in my opinion, are just background noise.
On, a lighter note, this reminds me of what Oscar Wilde quote - A true friend stabs you in the front.
-Nag
Nag,
I am indeed glad to have such good friends! But I doubt if I could personally ever be guilty of fake politeness - I'm quite short on the politeness part of it in the first place!
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