This week I was visiting my grandparents in the town of Salem, where I have enough cousins that I won't get bored. One day I went to the video store with one of my cousins to get a couple of movies. As I chatted with him and sifted through the movies, the store owner asked, "Are you a US Return?"
Imagine my surprise! I was quite positive that nothing in our conversation gave away the fact that I'd spent some time in the States. I even checked with my cousin after we left the store if I'd picked up an American accent in these two years, and he said I haven't. In any case I had been speaking in Telugu... er... Telugu mixed with a little English. Okay, a lot of English. But I am positive I don't have an accent.
And then it struck me. I was wearing knee-length shorts. I suspect that in a town the size of Salem, only someone from abroad would dare go out in broad daylight wearing shorts :)
I've watched enough movies and serials in Telugu and Tamil to know the Cardinal Sins of a US Return.
Sin #1: A US Return cannot speak the local languages well. He mixes it with > 50% English.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sin #2: A US Return has a pronounced American accent.
Verdict: Not guilty.
Sin #3: A US Return is (almost by definition) a snob.
Verdict: Hmmm.... possibly guilty :P
Sin #4: A US Return wears shorts almost all the time in this blazing summer.
Verdict: Guilty.
Miscellaneous sins: A US Return guzzles alcohol, smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, chews gum, and sleeps with random women.
Verdict: What the...? I've been watching too many Telugu movies....
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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12 comments:
I am guilty of 1, 3 and 4 too!
And now I know why the cab drivers in mumbai knew I was a US return :)
LOL prashanth,
loved your closing line!!!!
You've hit the nail on it's head!
a fun read!
btw, you gotto see "An Inconvenient Truth" ... It was shown on Discovery Channel here ... grab it just any which way ...
Salem. For a second I thought Salem Massachusets.
If you remember during JEE classses I used to be the only guy wearing knee length shorts and I hadn't even been to the US. Ha! Everyone thought me very strange.
Hmmm. I noticed people think I become overly formal in my speech after I returned from the UK.
I say thank you to my bus driver and he thinks I am nuts.
I get scared to cross the road and look for buttons to press and wait at the signal. And the best of all...my mom likes it when I wash my own plates and cups :)
I am guilty of only 1 and maybe 3 and I do guzzle alcohol on certain occasions.
Sakshi,
See, we're alike, you and me :)
Jyoti,
Hey! Using your real name at last! I finally did get hold of a guy who has An Inconvenient Truth... I will be watching it next week...
Badger,
You're back! And how on earth would I have grandparents in massachusetts...
Kirthi,
Welllll.... I thought I'd surprise Mom by cooking a meal one of these days... but I decided I'm taking a real break, and that means no dishes and no laundry and no cooking.
B-a-L,
Nothing to feel guilty about :)
Been reading your blog for awhile....u have a nice place here :)
funny piece- am prbly guilty of a couple as well :)
soundsnsilence,
Thank Ye! Do drop comments whenever you do!
Sandhya,
I guess we all are :)
Mr US return ...
Now return to US!!!!
Jyoti: Will be there in mid-august!
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