I normally deal with weddings very badly. I absolutely hate meeting a zillion people whom I hardly know, telling me how thin I've become and how my cheeks have sunk and how they last saw me when I was a little kid and how I am such a bright boy for topping my class / cracking my boards / getting into IIT, depending upon the time period when this happened. I'm quite sure they would have said all of that even if they had seen me just a few years ago, because neither them nor us would remember it anyway and it's quite safe to tell a boy that he's become thinner and taller because all boys tend to become thinner and taller by default.
Further, being such a spoilt brat when it comes to food (yeah, you know who my Mom is), I deal badly with the food at weddings in general. Plus I hate the fact that I have to stand in a queue just to congratulate somebody on their marriage. But the thing I deal with the most badly is the hypocrisy of it all: so many people trying to be polite to people whom they hardly care about, and making forced conversation trying to be oh-so-witty.
Now, for my brother's wedding, I found myself on the other side of the celebrations: this time I was on the stage with my family. Standing there for hours with a plastic smile etched upon my face, posing for pictures with people I've never met and probably will never meet again. All my usual wedding blues amplified a thousand fold because I am the host rather than the guest. Yech. I still have to get the bad taste out of my mouth.
And aaarrgggh, the rituals, I could rant on that for hours. Symbolism is ok, and a mild amount of ceremony to commemorate a special event is acceptable. But two days of it is pointless, meaningless overkill. I didn't know what to tell my Grandmother while she kept talking about the things she expected in the rituals but were not there because their traditions varied from ours. So I kept my mouth shut, and didn't say a word to my parents about what I thought about the whole wedding because they were obviously very happy with how well everything went. Personally I think tying the thali and having one long party after that makes more sense than these elaborate weddings.
The end result is that my brother is now married, in the manner that my parents wanted, and to the kind of girl that my parents wanted: an orthodox Telugu girl of our caste living in Tamil Nadu. Her family is in the textiles business. She's never heard of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings or Mozilla Firefox for that matter, but who cares if she hardly reads books or touches computer keyboards? She just wasn't raised that way. I'm sure she'll do a good job cooking, raising the kids, managing the household, etc. She's a very nice person too; I like her.
Everybody seems to be happy. Except for me.... I just can't help shaking my head at everything. I keep trying to delude myself into believing that the world is changing, society is changing, my parents are changing.... but if all that is happening, it's too excruciatingly slow for me.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
It's not enough if you have a good recipe for life. You still need a touch of magic.
About Me
- Prashanth
- Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Blogs I Read
Blogs I Write At
Site Meter
Site Feed
Creative Commons Licence
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
7 comments:
it is amazing how people spend so much money knowing that those guests are going to go back and bitch about something or the other!!!
agree with u about the rituals and fake smile. i , for my life, cannot imagine standing there on the stage dolled up.
small wedding in a mandir for me please.
Yes, our Indian weddings are a bit too over the top and ostentatious. But I kind of like the idea of the whole family getting together on an occasion like this: all cousins and uncles who crack sardarji jokes all night long and aunties who keep giving something to nibble away.
The worst thing about weddings is that irrespective of whether u r a host or a guest, the aunties are aways eyeing u as if there was a brand "prospective-groom/bride" stamped across ur cherubic face.
I agree with you SP.
I had a grrr time making arrangements for my sister's marriage.Wait a min,you were on the "Groom's" side of the party,so not much work..go ask the bride's bro ,he'll tell you what 'tension 'and 'pressure' is.
I asked a lot of people why they preferred such elaborate weddings .. most of the answers were either " Its a once in a lifetime function " or " We have to respect our elders wishes " duh!! But the best part or is it the worst part..the rituals are getting shorter.
I beg to differ.
The marrow of marriage is atrophied by your perspective on the event. I am not sure if you have studied the origins of marital ceremonies but the invitation of people to a marriage stems from your acknowledgment of the remotest of influences that the invitees may have had on the fruit which is the union of the groom and the bride. Marriage is about joy, the immense pleasure one reaps when one finds people, embodying life, blessing the event, and the least you can do is to express your heartfelt gratification which is best reflected by a sparkling smile. If you are having to faux one to entertain the guests, people who have obliged to your invitation not withstanding the fact that it may have been the hidden epicurean in them which prompted their partaking in the ceremony, you are beating the very purpose of the occasion. So also, when you are being party to someone else’s marriage.
The duration of the ceremony itself isn’t a matter of contention but the spirit with which one approaches it is what really counts. These are my views alone but I stick to them.
Tipsy,
I don't think I'll be fortunate enough to escape with a small wedding... surely my parents will find a wife for me from an even more well-to-do family, and the wedding will be "grander" as they call it.
Kirthi,
I have no problems with the family getting together. In fact, I'm glad that I get to see my cousins at least at these functions.
And you hit the bull's eye with the prospective brides/grooms thing! I even overheard my Dad saying that many people come to weddings only for that!! In my nightmares I even imagine somebody seeing me there and doing some age calculations with respect to his own daughter *shudder*
Vc,
As usual you are 100% accurate.
HoH,
You are asking me to fake a smile in the spirit of the wedding. I'm telling you that that is indeed what I did. But there is no way I can be happy about it when my sister-in-law's uncle's wife's cousin comes on stage, hands a gift, shakes hands, poses for a photograph and leaves, all in 20 seconds. And this kind of stuff goes on for 3 1/2 hours.
I would have been quite happy to share the joy of my brother's wedding with a handful of close relatives. That way I, too, could have rejoiced in the spirit of the wedding without having it wear my patience thin.
As for the duration of the wedding, I wouldn't mind a long one if it were more about celebration and less about archaic customs and traditions and ceremonies and rituals and... you get the drift.
I think I second SP on that one. Further, only if one follows the traditions and rituals with full understanding of their import and sticking to what is relevant to today's society, does it make sense. Blindly following the rituals simply to gain social attestation to the marriage is not what it should be. And despite all this effort to keep up with the social norms, at the end of the day, like TT said, there will still be people carping about the size of the mysore pak.
Post a Comment