If I could put my finger on the one thing that I liked best about my life in IIT, it was my freedom. As opposed to the leave home - go to college - come back home life of my other friends, the life where Mom will always ask you where you are going if you go out, and worry if you come back late, life in an IIT hostel is a quantum jump in terms of what you can do with your time.
I had the freedom to eat and sleep when I wished. The freedom to talk to whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and for however long I wanted. The freedom to explore new hobbies. The freedom to study when and how I wished. The freedom to go when and where I wished. The freedom to organize my time in anyway I wanted. The freedom to drink or smoke or dope, if ever I wished such things. I had the freedom to lead my life the way I wanted.
Nobody can ever claim to have done only the right things with their freedom. Living free is a constant learning experience. I like to think that freedom is just like any other power. You can use or misuse it. If you are smart enough, you will learn how to handle it and do great things with it. If not, you will come to gravely regret your actions in the future. But freedom is a necessary thing. Nothing is ever gained in life without risk.
I recognize the wonderful gift that freedom is. My way of showing my love to my girlfriend / wife / children will be through freedom, and not by possessiveness or protectiveness. Temper freedom with guidance, not with rules.
Life in the US is a higher realization of the same freedom. I doubt if many of them even understand what a gift they hold in their palms, or what they can do with it. Friday and Saturday nights in the downtown area reveals a side of the American culture that I find inexplicable. Their definition of having fun or "Partying" seems to be getting drunk, talking lewd, hooting, squealing, and craziness in general. What satisfaction can a person derive from that? It seems like a temporary letting off of steam from the rigours of daily work. It rings a phoney note.
I was even more surprised to see some of my own friends doing things they wouldn't dare to do back in India. This Friday night a bunch of them set out with the sole intent of getting fully drunk. One guy threw up outside a bar and had an unpleasant episode with the cops. One other came back home and then threw up. I'm censoring a lot of stuff here, mind you, out of respect for them. They are, after all, my friends.
Yet, I feel no bitterness, no rancour, no anger, no hate, not even disgust at the behaviour I see around me. Instead, I feel a distinct sense of sadness. And pity. If they but had true love in their lives, they would see the hollowness of their actions.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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38 comments:
Drunkenness and puking shouldn't be new to someone who has stayed in an IIT hostel!
true love....sounds too idealistic a concept. a sense of what is permanent and what isn't may be a better way of realising the hollowness of one's actions.
Tipsy!! Where have you been?
Of course, drunkenness etc is not new to me. But somehow, the scale of things and the philosophy behind it are different here. Back in IIT, people did get drunk to celebrate or unwind. Here, they seem to be doing it for the heck of it, as though they would be losers if they did not do it. The mindlessness of it upsets me.
A sense of what is permanent.... I think here you are right. But isn't love the best thing to drive that home?
Though I mostly agree with the first half on freedom, I almost dissent towards the end ...
... "getting drunk"; especially among college students, is not necessarily a sign of absence of true love; nor does every broken heart walks to a bar; rather; it is just reflects a phase of experimentation! Just as a kid often put his fingers in flames; so college kids sometimes take to "getting drunk". It doesnt mean they are forever doomed or any such nasty thing ... except of course when there are "episodes" like cops or drunk driving ...
Getting drunk is not typically "American" in nature ... it pervades across cultures n continents .. and talking lewd, hooting, squealing ... is much worse in ..... !!!
Intern
More than the broken heart.. i think its a shallow heart that walks to the bar & gets drunk like dat.
Prash, from what i know the concept of true love is much too vague for all to consider as a solution. Bcause, ther r sum who have a steady luv life yet indulging in all this. its more of u realizing wat ur having. and how much ur destroying by succumbin to alchohol.. n to certain acts tat u wud regret later on.
I dont mind the hoochie screamin and squealin.. but i do mind da way sum get draggd into doin it. just cause every1 else is. Its like havin lots of fun.. but u gotta be ready for it to turn ugly anytime. N when it does y cant 1 stand up n say i've had enuff. y is it tat they need to take part in it..even sumtimes against their will...
Its all the concept of "tryin to fit in." (or tats wat these indians who do a 180 degree change in personality give as an excuse)Let the bubble burst.. by itself. They will come around..
But must say.. Im blown away by the way u considered love. (giggles)
I think ur lucky if u find any source of love permanent.(be it family, friends or spouse/bf/gf)
just never imagined/hoped tat a guy wud even give a glance to sucha thing.. as for a gal..well....(blushes)
-Divster
Huh??!
Intern,
I never suggested that they are drinking because of broken hearts or any such thing... what I was trying to say is that the one satisfying, fulfilling, permanent way of having fun is, well, to be in love! Then you will realize that there is no need for such temporary "escapes" from the world through such partying.
Divya,
You put your finger on it! That was one of the things I was trying to say! Incidentally, can you do me a favour? Stop blushing. Try to make Vc blush instead ;)
whoa whoa...
lemme paint another picture....
Public House ( aka pub).. is a social setting where people meet n unwind over a pint of beer/scotch/wotever... eat, dance, sing-songs, play games n enjoy in a relaxed atmosphere ...
Pubs are socially vital place in western culture .... and its not fair to arrogate any negativity to it or to call it a place where broken/shallow heart people or loosers take shelter!! In places where cold weather for more than half the year pushes people indoors, where alcoholic beverages keep them warm ... pubs are places where people socialize ...
Of course I understand the spirit in which you wrote this post, are its reprehensible to act lewd/ irresponsible .... but plz dont equate drinking with shallowness of character or lack of love...
ahh I forgot to add ... Westerns ( n Clint Eastwood movies); Honky Tonk, Country music are deeply entwined with pubs/drinking ...
and relax..
I know what you're talking about ... and I applaud your reaction:
" Yet, I feel no bitterness, no rancour, no anger, no hate, not even disgust at the behaviour I see around me"
Its just a *passing phase* ...
dont cast any aspersions on these friends... until they really lose it... and again dont put it on America or freedom..... people under strictest supervison go astray and those with loads of freedom dont misuse it!!!
So bring me two pina coladas
One for each hand
Let’s set sail with captin morgan ..
Oh. make that three.
I blush to hide ma insanity.. Now a pony colada.. i mean a pina colada is hoped to do the job instead.
Its a passing phase indeed... now i feel like im tryin to find da best way to 'pass out'.
(bacardi breezer aint tat bad too..hic ..)
Hehe.
-Divster
Gosh, am I that bad at expressing myself?!
Friends, I have no problems with drinking as such. I remember writing about such stuff earlier... hmmm let me dig it up... here it is:
http://prashanthsriram.blogspot.com/2005/06/vice-then-wise.html
Nor do I have anything against people going to pubs or having parties etc. to unwind.
What I dislike is
1) The manner in which it can easily turn into an excess, and hence a misuse of your freedom;
2) The culture wherein one feels obligated to do this every weekend, because if you don't then you are not having "fun";
As a matter of personal opinion, I feel that these are temporary respites from which I, for one, would derive no satisfaction. Of course, people are free to disagree with me on this point.
In suggesting more fulfilling states of mind to wash away the drudgery of daily life, I said "love". Perhaps I would have been better off saying "Read fantasy fiction" ;)
I am not saying that people who get sloshed have no true love in their lives, but I am hoping that people who build their lives on permanent foundations such as love will feel less of a need for wild partying, perhaps even find it hollow in comparison.
"...dont put it on America or freedom..... people under strictest supervison go astray and those with loads of freedom dont misuse it!!!"
I am not blaming anything on freedom, quite the converse, in fact! I am expressing my wish that people realize what a gift is freedom, as I have come to realize myself.
*sigh* I am being combative, amn't I? I apologise.
Cheer up SPee :) ....
It really takes a lot to understand and get to know the real SP ... I'm sure Kirthi will agree with me on this..
Vc shakes his head .. tut tut Sp..
Hmm..I seem to have come in pretty late on the post. I think I agree with intern. There is a difference between drinking, acting crazy and having fun because you are addicted to it and doing all that stuff because it's a way for you to let off steam. There is a difference between going out with friends to have a fun night out and doing crazy stuff which you are going to regret later. Of course, partying hard everyother night because you cant be without doing that, or doing it because all your friends are doing it is very stupid. Though, I think especially in the US, fun = getting drunk and acting crazy. If it works for them it's good, but I am a little sceptical about it.
Bah..I had just written a big comment and it didn't load and I lost it.
1) The drinking age in the US is 21. It's ridiculous as you can only start drinking in senior year of college. Obviously, no one obeys it.
2) This law was brought about by lobby groups like MADD, mothers against drunk driving. Drunken driving and death is the biggest cause of adolescent death in the US.
3) You can buy tobacco when you are 18 in the US. I find this very weird. The long/short term effects of tobacco are much stronger. But, still. I guess the drunken driving problem doesn't come in.
4) During my internship I was with a roomie who used to get drunk 3-4 nights a week. There were also a lot of other things that I would rather not mention. Short term it's great fun, but is it possible to stop when you want to. Does it screw you up in the long run?
The Himalayan kid is back with the ususal sermons. Doesn't amaze me one bit that your readers started nitpicking one teeny point you made and the big picture was lost in the comments!!
Okie dokes. I, for starters, am truly disappointed in the 'social' life here. York being a small town has largely 'preserved' the truly brit pub culture. They shut shops by 5.30 and hang out till 1 am. Every nook and cranny has a pub. The names are so apt too:'the three tuns' wonder where they learnt that the Hindi 'tun' means drunk. Oh well the Indians with me are trying their level best to do in York as the pommies do and not with the best of results I must say!
Oh and about freedom, your words remind me of the character Gopal in the Inscrutable Americans.
--kk
lol
Prashanth losing cool...
Gosh that's fun!!!
Prashanth lemme make clear ..
Sometimes there is more than more factor that ushers me to write ...
To elaborate...
Yesterday, was Sunday and I was googling to collect information on a b-o-r-i-n-g topic for an assignment. To entertain myself, I frequently would switch to Blogs and write something ...
So I wrote in yours,
- Vc's (Guess Who????),
- HOH (Inter-No-Sense),
- Ramani's (*I in "Last Para") ...
Now coming to what I wrote here,
I stand by it .. BUT comeon I totally understood the gist n the essence of your post. To add ... its fun to be *The Devil's Advocate* and bring out a counter-argument just for the sake of a more lively n robust discussion ... AND .. its *your* blog ... I can mess around!!!
Did I irritate you: YOOO!! Yuu-hooo!!!
I pat my back!!!
- Intern
Divster - welcome!!!
He he.
HI WIZ
Good Afternoon
17 comments in one day! Tats wizardly
We're off to see the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz!
- myrrh
Ramani,
"..I think especially in the US, fun = getting drunk and acting crazy.."
Cool. You understood.
Intern,
You're enjoying this, aren't you? Hehe... you know... I'm coming to believe that All Women are Evil. Hmmm maybe when I gather enough guts to do it I will write a post on that.
Kirthi,
I've been wanting to read that book for years but just never got around to doing it. Hold it... you read a novel? And I haven't read it? The world is going topsy turvy ;)
Myrrh,
The legendary fragrance of myrrh is supposed to be a whiff of fresh air, but you've seem to have made a whiz out of thin air :)
Meet Myrrh,
This wonderful lady is my friend, call it library-friend!
Well just for clarification,
(not that its needed , but still) ...
she's not Indian, but American
Intern
The more the merrier!
"All women are evil"
Women= Time x Money
Time=Money
Women=Money x Money
Money=(Evil)^0.5
Hence, Women=(Evil)^(0.5+0.5)=Evil
Am awaiting your post on this topic.
Ahaa.. Prashant.. what is this i hear u say...
"...I'm coming to believe that All Women are Evil. Hmmm maybe when I gather enough guts to do it I will write a post on that..."
Jus when i was thinkin on the lines of writing a post on men n their excruciating behavior in certain circumstances. hehehe! Best part is.. i have gathered enuff guts. Now, its just abt findin the right words... to err.. decribe the evilness lurkin under.. in ..err.. as many discrete verbs as possible... (phew)
Go ahead write one. Will write one as a reply.
No personal offense to da opp gender. We fancy u just as u fancy us.. (winks)
-divster
Oh yes, Ramani.
Just when i thought u blessed ma blog wit ur presence.. now dont lose the chance to be in teh good books of one more evil around here.(tries on the red horns for size)
LOL!!!
*ALl Women Are Evil*
my my my ... isnt this the best idea ever to be etched by this wizard's quill!!!
How men are overwhelmed, enthralled n ensnared by the beauty , charm, innocence of this perfect embodiment-of-evil; "the femme fatale" ... and how enthusiastically they chase n embrace this evil-enchantress to embark on the path of self-destruction in full cognizance of the inevitable !!!
CAUSE: We are what we are.. BUT ..
All Men are fools!!!
*I
Aaah ! But Madam *I ,
We are wise fools :).
Spee we want that post .. Go for it.. 3 cheers for Spee....
ensnared by the beauty , charm, innocence of this perfect embodiment-of-evil; "the femme fatale" ... and how enthusiastically they chase n embrace this evil-enchantress to embark on the path of self-destruction in full cognizance of the inevitable
They say.." There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. "
Cmon Guys.. Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it.......and some of your spouse's family will too. (LOL)
Hello! I read a book that is closer to reality than flying saucers and characters named after the lizards of Jurassic park! Hmm I think you'll like the book..Gopal reminds me of you except for his English and things like that! :) I tend to spend a lot of time scrutinizing the author's style of writing..that's why I gave up reading!
Ooh Vc...let's have ketaki versus SP representing women v/s men. I am selling the betting tickets this time. You sell the peanuts.. Ok guys its 4:1 for SP. I'll just call the ambulance just in case. Do u have health insurance SP?
4:1 for me? Thats very generous... I thought it ought to be 4:1 against me!
Well... sorry to disappoint...I got semi-branded a feminist in college for good reason. So I wont be writing a Women are Evil article, though if you want, I can write a Men are Boring article. Actually, no, I'll get burnt at the stake for that so lets just leave it alone ;)
Lets not bring up the subject of Ketaki here, shall we? (SP makes a sign to ward off the devil)
Ahh,
Prashanth declared himself a feminist n avoided the *trap* !!!
To realize that women are devils and to still desire 'em; makes men fools ... so the proof of men are NOT fools inherently implies ..
VC .. if I can joke with you...
"WISE FOOLS"???!!!!..
Isnt that still a fool ???
Something like ...hmmmm .. even you win a rat-race; you're still a rat!!
There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature
Is it possible to turn them into men. He he..
Ok, I think I should stop before someone puts a supari on me.
Hey, SP, that was such an about turn, from 'Women are Evil' to I am a feminist. :D he he he
To know your enemy, you must become your enemy... Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Sun Tzu
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Henry Kissinger
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde
morning guys,
this keeps getting better n better!
Wiz-kid,
women are indeed evil; but men are no good!
- myrrh
Ya.. Vc did u know that when Krishna offerred a Deva as a prince for a small rat princess.. she instead chose a rat?Wat say?
Thanks 4 da welcum Intern. Dun worry.. since we r the evil.. we bought their souls.. no wonder Prashant confirms it by saying he is a feminist now...:P
Ramani..There are three classes of men; the retrograde, the stationary and the progressive.
And..I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.(I just hope u dont get harvested too soon bcause of ur folly hehehe)
-Divster
Hmmm wonder how many people could read between the lines, for in saying men are boring I was merely saying that women are interesting :)
Handsome, ruthless and stupid?!! Lol... thats a strange choice of characteristics... am glad to say that I will never be any of those. Except perhaps the last one ;)
Who do I attack first ?
Spee : Men are boring? I would disagree with that but I will have to agree that women are very very interesting creatures :)
and hello where's your post on "women are evil " .. grrrr...
and don't you worry SP.. ketaki is all fire without heat.. You are the best.. you use words to heal as well as pierce...
Kirthi..wise fools are people who are hmm hmm but just act like fools.. its double jeopardy you won't understand :) ( Vc ducks )
and by the way : to desire that which is unattainable .. we learnt that from Adam.( yikes !!! )
Div : aah so you too know that story...:) (beware of the smile)
Ramani.. lets pressurise SP to put a post on "women are evil, aren't they ? ".. I'm sure it'll make a few people (the XX chromosome) take out a few supari's.
and Spee myrrh calls you the wiz-kid.. uhahaaaahha.. so apt.
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