Friday, May 27, 2005

The Paper Champions

I've just returned from the 1st Junior National Bridge Tournament (held in Hyderabad), and the experience has given me a lot to think about... and not just in terms of bridge!

I've never been a person to attach much importance to winning or losing. I've always contended that when you take part in some contest or sport, it's the experience and the knowledge that you take back with you that really counts. Sure, I feel bad when I lose and good when I win... thats a natural but temporary feeling, and all too human. A simple guideline to follow: at the end of the game, think about what you've gained that's important. The answers would surprise you.

I participate in a lot of stuff (though not much of sports), and my objective is usually to learn and have fun while doing so. I pity the people who get caught up in the cut throat competition that is prevalent at the high echelons of any sport, and dedicate their lives to pushing themselves that extra bit that makes the difference between winning and losing. Personally I feel that the fun in playing gets lost after a certain point. Just think about the tactics that people employ in any sport at the international level. I wouldn't dream of bowling a leg stump line with a leg side field in a friendly cricket match.

I guess some people can't help it. For some, it's their means of livelihood. For some, it's like a lifelong addiction, and it comes with a price to pay when you're near the top. Whatever the reasons may be, I know that some are beyond redemption. But for the others, what they really need is just a change in attitude. A little shift in thinking that will change their lives: Play to have fun. Play to teach, and to learn. Reality may force you to do otherwise at some level of the game. When that happens, step down a rung. It's for your own good.

I thought about what really motivates people to play in that ultra-competitive manner. The commercialization of sport these days is one thing. But how does it all start? I think it all starts the moment one says, "I want to be the best." You climb the ladder, go from city level to national level slowly. All the time, you are so happy that you won, and proved yourself the better of others. Ask me, and I say that you are champion all right, but only a champion on paper. The real champions in the world distinguish themselves by their courage, and their selfless actions, which makes a difference to other people. They are champions of the heart. If your aim in life is just to beat somebody at something, you better step back and think about how hollow your existance is.

What does any of this have to do with the bridge tournament? Nothing actually. Just a triggered chain of thought. I'm going to keep at bridge, but for the right reasons: I enjoy it. And I want to learn more.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Down memory aisle

Now that college is over, I ran out of excuses for not cleaning up my room. And that too, my Mom insisted on a clean sweep: I had to clear out all my old stuff, either throwing them out or packing them up in cartons for stowing away in some corner of the house.

Let me tell you something about myself. I hate throwing away stuff. Especially books and any sort of written material. So I had to dig through a tremendous amount of junk lying around in several cupboards, right from my old school days. It was long, dusty work, but it turned out to be rewarding in its own way.

It was as though I were revisiting every stage of my life in slow motion. There was this cute little book on stars and planets that had gotten me interested in astronomy in class three. There was the magnetic pencil box that I thought was cool in class five. There was a ton of fact and puzzle books which I'd been crazy about right uptil class ten, books like "World Famous Supernatural Mysteries" and "World Famous Bank Robberies", and a funny book of "Amazing Knowledge" from which I'd learnt stuff like what a spoonerism is. There were books on Indian fiction for children published by CBT that I'd loved at one point of time. There was a file full of my answer papers to english exams: I used to be quite good at writing essays and interpreting literature and all that jazz. Perhaps I'll sit and read through them one day these hols.

Then there was a serious stage of my life. The "Applied Physics" textbook from which I prepared for that ill-fated speech on lasers (refer the post "No Fear"). An organic chemistry notebook taught by that prof who made terrible jokes like "In Loyola college, there are a lot of students with AIDS." (shocked silence) "I mean, Arrears In Different Subjects." (groans all around) There were notebooks on Calculus that I'd kept because I could never remember any of the formulae after I entered college. There were editions of the school newsletter for which I'd been editor.

Then, of course, comes college. I found the entries to the creative writing contest when I'd been coordinator. There was a textbook on control systems, the most horrible course I've ever undergone. There was a ton of intermediate drafts of my report for my internship at Hyundai Motors. There was an autograph of the lead singer of Mother Jane, whom I'd interviewed for the campus magazine when they performed at Saarang.

It's like turning the pages of a book, and reading the story of your life: the good parts and the bad. It left me with a kind of bittersweet feeling... I've done a lot of good things in my life; but if only I'd learnt my lessons earlier than I did....

I threw away a lot of stuff, but I think I kept more than I threw away. I guess I'm still not ready to let go of some things. There were a lot of factors in my upbringing that have made me who I am today. They are lying in 5 neatly packed cartons stowed into an overhead rack in my room. I bet I'll glance up there now and then, and think about what a naive little bookworm I used to be. And tell myself that I still am one.

Cheers,
Prashanth.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Free...

So, finally... it ends. Five years of life in IIT... and such an anti-climax to it all... I mean, it should end with a party, not with a panel of profs bombarding you with questions.

As for how the review went... 5 profs locked me up in a room and attacked me for half an hour. I came out with holes in my shirt... I hadn't realized that facts and logic aren't good enough for body armour when you're trying to explain 8 months of work in 15 minutes (yeah, it was 15 mins presentation + 15 mins questions). When it took me 4 months to understand what I was doing, I don't know what made me believe that I could explain to someone else in 15 mins. I mean... sure, it was a barrage of questions, but they were *dumb* questions.

Still, preparing and presenting for the viva voce is a piece of cake compared to the marathon month of work that I had to put in for writing the thesis. After careful contemplation I have come to the conclusion that all people who want to do a Ph.D. / are doing their Ph.D. are MAD. Who in their right mind would go through that one more time... that too in much more excruciating length and detail? But sense has nothing to do with it... it's a challenge, and I'm game. So I think I'll take it up... PSU awaits me...

So, now that I spent the last one week day dreaming about what I should do when the hols start... I have finally come to the decision that I'm going to volunteer to continue working on the same project for GM over the next two months. I have some ideas to further my work... plus I feel an obligation to take the project beyond its present stage since I may not be joining GM to continue the work in an official capacity. Screwed up logic? Crazy idiot for giving up the hols for continuing to work on the same damn thing I've been working on for 8 months? Yes, and yes. What can I say, I'm incorrigible.

Anyway, I will be preparing hard for the junior bridge nationals on the 20th. But definitely I will be blogging more often now, and I promise I'll try not to say "thesis" or "project" again!

Cheers,
Prashanth.