I hate them.
That's right, I hate eating tomatoes and onions.
The normal reaction to this is one of disbelief, and in my defense all I can say is that everybody hates some vegetables. Well, the ones I hate are tomatoes and onions. I don't even mind eating bitter gourd. Really!
Of course, having likes and dislikes is something adults cannot afford most of the time (one of the few lessons I have learnt in my admittedly short life thus far), and after eating in a hostel mess for five years and a mixture of my roommates' cooking and my own cooking for another two years, I've learnt to close my nose and swallow anything that pretends to be food. Still, I surprised myself with how well I learned that lesson this week.
See, I went to a friend's house for lunch this weekend, and not knowing my food preferences, the first thing they served me was a tomato-onion-bhath-type thing. Another thing I've learnt in my short existence is manners, so I ate without protest, if a little slower than usual. In the old days I would have either declined or sat picking out every piece of tomato and onion from it before eating.
It was not my imagination - I really ate what would at one time be like climbing Mt. Everest for me, and I didn't gag and I didn't mind it that much. Still, I didn't completely surprise myself, because of something that happened in January.
I had come back from the US after 18 months there and my Mom was careful to serve food I liked. Of course, that didn't stop her from making the usual snide comments on how picky our little prince was when it came to food.
Perhaps it was the tone that made me out to be a spoilt little brat. Perhaps it was the fact that my parents really don't know how far I have come from my high school days - no matter what my Mother like to pretend, she has no idea how much life at IIT changed me. I heard her telling someone the other day that I don't drink coffe. Imagine! Like I was still a teenager!
But I digress. The short of it is that I lost my temper, and told my Mom squarely that I have grown up and I proceeded to prove it by picking up a small onion - raw - and eating it in front of them (taking care not to wince at each bite). You won't believe the deafening silence at the dining table.
My Mom is actually proud of me for that particular demonstration, but I am not so sure it is something to be happy about. To me, this is symbolic of a lot of things wrong in my life. It means that not only am I willing to make sacrifices and compromises on my preferences and principles, I have reached the stage where I actually don't mind doing so. It is not so much the fact that I am giving in that irks me, but the fact that I have come to accept that it needs to be done.
In case you have missed the point, I am not talking talking about tomatoes and onions anymore. I am talking about the mentality that drives people into submission willingly. I am more sympathetic of why women in India don't do more to fight for their rights, having first hand experience of a similar sort. It has to do with society and family and duty and a lot of things I don't want to go into - any Indian would understand the kind of thing I am talking about.
I am not trying to say that I have been repressed or stifled deliberately. In fact, my family has given me every opportunity to do what I like, without placing too many demands on me. I would probably just put it this way: I am coming to understand my duties and responsibilities, which arise by simply being part of a family and a society. And I don't like what I am seeing. I may be a little dense at times but I am not so stupid as to run from responsibility. Or from my family. Or from my country. Even though I can - all I have to do is put my foot down and I can live my life the way I want in the USA and never come back. That's simply not who I am.
I'm sure a good number of people reading this blog understand what I am going through. I would appreciate any advice dropped in the comment box. If I have to summarize this entire post in one sentence, I would say this: I ate a raw onion one day to make a point; I did make my point, but if anybody won a victory that day, it wasn't me.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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12 comments:
PS, I just started reading your blog so I have no idea what you are going through. I just wanted to say "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. -Theodor Seuss Geisel, 1904 - 1991"
What you are doing is not sarifice since the sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy.
Wishing you lots of happiness and joy. May god bless you.
P.S.: I didn't eat onions and tomatoes when I was a kid. I still don't try them raw. Should be an acquired taste right?
If a person were to analyze this mundane situation from a perfectly neutral standpoint, without allowing things dear to him, such as his past experiences, his prejudices, his family, his achievements etc. to affect the analysis, he would conclude that he is essentially alone, and that all such worldly "responsibilities" (Indians can read "dharm") he thinks he is bound by, is but a mere extrusion of his own attachments in this world. The stronger the attachment, the greater the sense of dharm.
A wise person is he who chooses the highest dharm and follows it, rejecting everything else in his way, even at the cost of his own life. Very rare is he who finds it; even rarer is he who accepts and follows it. His life is ever blissful.
An intelligent person often chooses some lower dharms, thinks them to his highest, vigorously follows them and achieves success in life. Still, he feels a void in his life.
An average person is confused as to what his dharm is, and either goes about asking others, who are themselves ignorant, or tries contemplating over it himself. Both are exercises in futility, and he remains confused for most of his life.
A demoniacal person is he who lives without any sense of dharm and acts according to his whimsies. His mind is weak, and he is more an animal than a human being. He lives his whole life in sorrow.
So we see that the problem is much bigger than onions and tomatoes. It's about why we like or dislike them, and what we can do about it.
:)
IMO, u were acting pretty mature until you ate that raw piece of onion... I mean its not about proving a point... A point is proven with time and subtle hints and not by doing something you dont want to... And the rest is situation based... I know how it is to lose your temper because some1 keeps repeating the same stuff over n over again or an irritating conversation takes place close by... But trust me, the better way to handle it is with dignity... Eatting your own food was proving the point by itself... and a subtle hint later could have made ppl look at ur plate and having them look for onions or tomatoes in ur plate n not finding any would have led to priceless expressions as well... In the pressure cooker situation that family and society puts us in at times, it is subtlety that might work better... and oh, keeping your temper under control..
#1: That's a rather unconventional definition of sacrifice... even stranger because I think I understood it. Thanks for the wishes.
#2: That was actually the best piece of advice I have heard on this subject. At least, it helps me decipher my own feelings. Thank you.
B-a-L,
Believe me, I have a kept my temper a lot longer than many people I know. And I realize that I have to be even more patient in these things.
Anon # 2's comment completely blew me away! So well put.
But SP sometimes even I feel exactly the same way and I think I completly lack clarity. So I think I am by far the worst person ever to dole out advice on such things!
Jawm, I agree with B-A-L. It is not about proving a point. You made me believe you are happier now. -R
umm, I think I should focus on Tomatoes and Onions. decide to shrug my slender shoulders off those anthems that the world struggles with every moment - sacrifice, birthrights, restoration of faith, sturdying the female franchise.....
let me enter the peaceful world of kitchen, armed with a sharp knife
I love cooking, which includes the process of cutting/chopping vegetables (am a foodie n a strict vegetarian)
Boy o boy, hate/loathe, what a strength they possess, the world, all of a sudden, emerges as a straight bite into the deep layers of a bitter gourd..:)
creating thin slices out of layered bodies of onions and juicy tomatoes is such a delightful exercise to frail fingers n a treat to teary & active eyes. what an effect, these humble n gentle looking vegetable, the key ingredients have on one mortals like us, see, they did make you docile in one situation
whether or not we like it, these two are essential ingredients, either post or pre, spices n a dash of ghee or oil n the rest of the ammunition is ploughed into the vessel, the mustard seeds raise a revolution n hit at ur skin or mine like missiles, jeera seeds sputter n nimble a while, the green chilies with long waist smirk....what a piece of action! capture this for a change n retain the image in your eyes forever, am sure, you would start enjoying any dishes that are ingrediented with Tomatoes n Onions...they either provide mass/body or provide those surprising twists to the dish.
I can vibe with u well on that "nit-picking" move :))), cause I used to spread those thin slices of tomatoes across the periphery of the plate (garnishing perhaps!)...but I love Onions
now a bit of Life-Phil
it is neither an act of compromise nor an act of stretching beyond one's preferences. It's about being sensitive to certain things, people who matter the most, and the ardent desire of surprising self with the flexibility of one's tongue, throat, and fingers n heart!
-Jyo
Jyo: To be fair, I never had trouble with tomatoes and onions when they are ground into gravy or chutney. And these days I have no trouble with them unless they are raw. I even add plenty of t&o when I am the person doing the cooking for me :)
I don't think you were looking for advice on tomatoes and onions, now, were you?
;)
Life is all about being happy, without stepping on other peoples toes. It's about helping others, no matter how selfish they are. And it's about love. Unconditional, constant love.
Princess: Sounds easy, but hard in practice. Too many greys between the black and the white.
Grey? I call it silver
;)
Hey SP,
I don't know if it is too late to post here, but I was updating myself with your writing, and also happened to be recently thinking about the same question, so here goes my two cents. This is actually a sloka from the Vedas/Upanishads
Tyajeta ekam kulasyarthe, graamarthe kulam tyajeta;
graamam janapadasyarthe,
aatmarthe prithivim tyajeta.
give up one person for the family, give up a family for the community; give up the community for the country, but for the call of the atman/self/dharma give up the world.
I think this tells you what question to ask yourself before taking any action - and ask it hard enough. This is close to what Anon #2 mentioned too.
Lava.
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