I think it was 1998. We had just got ourselves an internet connection, a dialup one of course, broadband was for millionaires in those days. I knew how to type out a URL and browse the site, but I had little clue what to browse. I ended up trying various things on the Yahoo portal at first.
I remember feeling low about something one day that month. Did it have something to do with my studies? I can hardly remember. My life was largely happy in those days.
Thus it was, that in a sulky, depressed mood, I entered the Yahoo chatrooms and sat around looking (and feeling) bored, observing the chatroom without actually participating.
And then it happened.
She: Stephen?
Me: Sorry, you have the wrong person.
She: Oh.... sorry. How are you?
Me: (confused) I'm not Stephen.
She: You already said that. And I said, how are you?
Me: (thinking she was just being polite) Oh... don't bother. I'm just another kid.
She: We all were at one point of time :)
And thus it continued, me trying to explain that she was wasting her time talking to me, she saying something... nothing... everything. She was a 30-something woman in Australia, married with kids. By the end of fifteen minutes when she said goodbye, I realized I'd been expertly pep-talked without even realizing it.
It may sound like nothing, but for a fifteen-year-old who had never before been actually depressed about anything (yes, I really had a nice childhood), it was a lot. I was one of those quiet and shy types in those days, stammering a lot, avoiding conversation where possible. I was low enough in confidence to actually tell someone that I was just another kid. Yes, that little pep talk meant quite a bit to me.
Within a couple of weeks after that incident I realized the general futility of entering public chatrooms and stopped, so I never bumped into that woman again, never had the chance to thank her. But the fact of the matter is that I changed after that. Gradually, but unmistakeably. Gone is the stammer from those days. Gone is the panic when a girl spoke to me (don't smirk). Gone is the lack of self-confidence. In fact, these days I have such a supremely confident air about me that people give me a wide berth. Another thing I don't understand - why do we treat people who are sure of themselves as though they are from Mars?
I never was good at diplomacy. I admire those people who calmly and subtly make people feel better, introduce faith and hope in the direst of situations. While I hold most motivational and self-improvement books and speakers in contempt - like Olive's Dad in Little Miss Sunshine - I acknowledge that there exist a few people who really are good at it. One time when a super-depressed friend said she wanted to kill herself, I slapped her, grabbed her shoulders and shook her so hard I near broke her neck. Effective, actually, but a butcher's cleaver is not often of help in a situation that demands a surgeon's scalpel.
If you ever feel low enough to say, "Oh, don't bother, I'm just another _____", and there are no good motivators around, come to me. I love slapping people.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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12 comments:
I was one of those quiet and shy types in those days, stammering a lot, avoiding conversation where possible.
Sigh, the good old days! What changed? :P
I will remember the slapping part and avoid the vicinity you are in when I am depressed :D
:)
Whenever I feel low, I curl up in a corner with a Harry Potter book.. and life makes sense again! :-) and I think it's still better than being slapped, no? ;-)
But I know what you mean..I have a friend who's the motivational types - spend 5 mins with her and you'll be back in shape.. what would we do without people like you, me thinks! :-)
Slapping gals huh! huh?? huh!!!
Sakshi,
What changed? Well... I grew up, thats all! Being a more confident person in general helped, too!
Soundsnsilence,
:P
Priya,
I thought sitting and re-reading a book when feeling low was my trademark :). But hey, I'm really not that good a motivator. I can deliver a mean slap, though!
Anon,
Well, girls hit me when I make bad jokes. Only fair that I pay them back once in a while, nah? :)
I am sure there are better ways to cheer up people than slapping them. When you are super-depressed who slaps you :P?
Why don't you post your jokes? Read something about it in your orkut testi.
Patttaaaar! You need it :P
The main reason we feel depressed at times is because the world hits us and we're not able to cope with it. When we're hit really hard, and we're not able to take the blow, we then feel there's no other alternative and contemplate suicide.
The problem is not with the world...its nature is to keep hitting us and this is a fact...it will not change for us or anyone else. The real problem then is how we react to it. Some people blame others, some break down, some get angry, some become violent, some call it fate, destiny etc. The wise person, however, laughs at adversity and welcomes it with open arms, for he knows he will be affected only if he succumbs to it. In other words, he knows his happiness or sorrow lies in his own hands...or rather, mind.
They say that on sharing, happiness gets doubled and sorrow halved. This is true, and that's why we see unhappy people crying over others' shoulders, going for therapy etc. While all these can reduce depression, it cannot destroy its cause. The only way for this is happen is to understand the nature of the world, the nature of depression, and most importantly, our own nature.
Yes, SP, slapping is the only cure...not of the body, but of the intellect. :)
Why is everyone missing the point? I already said I admire those people who can cure depression without resorting to slapping - physical or intellectual!
As for my jokes... well... here's an irony: they were so bad that people had to "cure" me by slapping me whenever I made a particularly bad PJ :D
ahhh chatrooms!!!
I was so addicted to it, once upon a time... A waste of time - totally
Bbut one thing I really learned outta it the meaning of the word - Addiction .... I knew I was being stupid and wasting my time, I still would spend hours in chatrooms... now I know how it's difficult to withdraw from an addiction ...
I love reading your posts a lot ...
Jyoti: I was reading my old posts, in which you commented as " Crazy *I " yesterday... good fun :)
Lovely.
;)
Not everyone manages to find that ray of sunshine. Glad you did.
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