I wondered why it takes so long to make new friends; good friends. I also wondered why it is that very few people find that special place in your heart; there are friends, and then there the people who you will consider as close friends your whole life.
I think it is because we all have a tendency to draw invisible lines between ourselves and other people; the thickness of the line being dependent upon our impression of the person involved! Since this works both ways, you make a close friend only when both of you hold no barriers against each other.
Initially, in a new place, you are bound to be guarded; then, you start thinking, "I like this person a lot; that person is okay; that other person I don't like." It's not merely a matter of who is the nicer person; it's a matter of who you like better, based on things perhaps as tenuous as someone's manner of speaking and body language. Over a period of time, you thaw towards some people; and if vice versa happens as well, a lasting friendship is born! If it happens to a smaller extent, you make a friend, but there will always be some distance, some invisible barrier that cannot be breached that keeps the friendship at a lower level of intimacy.
Here, halfway across the globe from India, I derive a weird sense of satisfaction from the fact that my two best friends are missing me as much as I am missing them. One guy, who, like me, is incapable of articulating his innermost feelings, even though I can read him like a book, said, "... that letter you wrote to my parents, especially that line about you missing me, was touchy. What can I say? There is nobody here to understand why Lady Galadriel is so hi-funda, or why Baldur's Gate 2 is the world's best computer game..." Translation: "That was a really touching letter. I miss you too; not a soul here speaks our language of fantasy and strategy, and can understand things we always took for granted between us."
The other "best" friend, a girl, makes international calls to me every alternate day at her company's expense, and refuses to put down the phone for at least 20 minutes even when I admonish her for misusing company resources. This, in spite of the fact that I call her up myself once a week.
Let me raise a toast, then, to lasting friendships. May we all find more such people to enrich our lives.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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9 comments:
i was just wondering how, your "other" friend being a girl was particularly relevant??
interesting post..
Me too.. I mean the "best" part was the way you drew attention to the word "best".
Have fun .. and we should have a talk about Lady Galadriel sometime.
Woudnt it be nice to hear from these two best friends of yours! Why not ask them to write here?
... and yeah; here's raising a toast to lasting friendships ...
*I
Nag,
The fact that she is a girl is not relevant, of course... I was just trying to say that I'm (perversely!) glad my two best friends are missing me.
Vc,
Oh yes. And I can introduce you to Princess Julia (of Age of Wonders) and Lanfear (of Wheel of Time).
Intern,
You obviously don't know them :) it would be quite an accomplishment to get any of them to say more than 5 words here...
Is the first one Baal?
Ramani, both are ob to you.
Interesting..is the second who i think it is?
Yes, it is you-know-who.
Hmm strangely I was talking to my roomie aka bee abt the same thing. She becomes very judgemental right from the first sight! I was appalled at the 'frivolous' notions that made her go 'eew that guy' or 'augggh that girl is terrible'. In fact I find it weird that we are so antipodal in nature and attitude and yet we stick to each other like glue. I know I judge people unconsciously too but there are eccentricities I wouldn't mind putting up with as long as there is something richer and more valuable binding us. My process of making friends is never a well defined algorithm with if and else conditions. I like it to be spontaneous.
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