About half an hour ago, I woke up with a start. I must have had an unpleasant dream. Still groggy and confused, the room around me slammed into focus.
In that fraction of a second, I felt the shock of waking up in unfamiliar surroundings. Where am I? What is this mess beside me? I would never allow my hostel room, leave alone my bedroom, to be in such disarray, that too near the beginning of a semster (in a corner of my mind I knew it was near the beginning of the semester). I should be seeing the shelf of my hostel room, or the window of my bedroom...
Just for a fraction of a second. As soon as my eyes focussed, I knew where I was. Of course there was a mess. I've not yet gotten around to buying shelves or racks for organizing anything.
I closed my eyes in near physical pain. Two months of waking up in this room; yet, I do not hold it a shred of affection to even think of calling it "home".
Strange how the mind works. I think I had some kind of nightmare, and unconsciously, I groped for the loved and the familiar.
I shuddered, but it was not from the cold.
Give it time.
Give it time.
I chanted in my mind, in a vain attempt to employ the calming meditation exercises that I'd learnt as a child, and forgotten and left by the side of the road of life, one among a million other things I've left behind while growing up.
When I first joined IIT, it took me 4 months to bring myself to accept the unfamiliar hostel life and stop myself from running back home the moment I felt like it. Why should it be any different here? It is in my nature to take time to adjust to any change.
Of course, now I can't just get on my motorbike and ride across the Atlantic Ocean, can I? I don't even have a motorbike now.
I tottered to my feet and from some hidden well of strength, forced myself into the calm mental bubble that is my shield.
And here I am, blogging. Don't worry, guys. I have endured worse.
Cheers,
Prashanth.
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13 comments:
It's happened to me a few times. Especially when I am traveling or staying in an unfmamiliar place. Let me not go into that :D. Cmon man all your roomies are form Godav/IIT, how bad can it get?? It's not like you are all alone there.
on da contrary picture ma position. I live in practically nowhere. not even a single indian in ma univ. i walk out of my house.. and this land has got nothin to do with where i belong.. sucha vast contrast...no one even remotely thinks i look indian..(jeez...made me a turkish, american, egyptian, spanish, hungarian.. wat not)
i dont even study abt india. I m practically cut off wit everything tat cant be brought inside ma house. I see the promos of Salaam Namaste movie.. and i can only hope to watch it next year sometime in june. I still sift through 2001's femina magazines. I look out in antikvariums for any sight of english books for which i can pay the least number of rolls of money. (english books r expensive).
N there is lots more.. this is just starters... Goshh do u knw how many days i hav dreamt of havin Maggi Noodles?? (grumbling tummy..)
-divster
It was a passing thing... I haven't really had a serious bout of depression (after coming here) before this. But I felt so terrible this morning that I just had to do something about it... so I blogged. I'm fine and dandy now :)
Divster... my heart goes out for you... but since your Mom is there with you, I think you're better off than any of us grad students here :D
Oh Gosh !! and I thought I was having a hard time eating home cooked meals.
Cheer up guys ..
[divster] That must be really tough. Especially managing with the language.I spent a semester in France, in the beginning I barely knew any English speaking students and it was soo horrible. My only company was my friend who had come with me.
Aww. Thanks guyz! I knw u guys hav it rough.. livin alone. n independent n all.. But u gotta admit places like France, England and US are flooded with Indians. You do get the feeling of familiarity through them..If u were studyin in a hostel in some place in India away from home.. it cud be similar. As for me, yes.. i hav lived here long enuff. Practically matured here. I do learn to compromise. Livin at home does make a big difference. But, u have this coat that u adorn whenevr u step out of ur home. Bcause now its a diff world out ther...
Ramani, France is still one of da 'west countries'. East european countries r far worse...linguistically.
Prash.. Thanksda! "..Heart goes out for da deadly insulter.." I feel so honored. (giggles) psst.. courtesy fulfilld.
Prashanth,
that's a much familiar experience; in an unfamiliar setting .. Almost everyone can associate themselves with that transient feeling ...
And u brought it out very well ..
... and now is there a competition on, who's had it worse???
Far from family - (versus) - No Indian at univ - (versus) - French speaking student - (versus) - hmmm home-cooked-food ...
I got no complaints,
so will just entertain myself with this online .... ( whatever u call it )
..comeon its time you divulged your more frequent sweetdreams ... rather than occasional nightmares ...
... of free-spirited teeny-booper, bubbly-n-beautiful FEMALE-WIZARDS ... hmmm so do you ".. dream of Jeannie" or are "Bewiotched" by nose-twitching Samantha ...
... or someone like that ...
** Any idea where's SensiblyStoned .. its been quite a while ...
Hmmmm actually I haven't really had any "sweet" dreams in a looooong time. And the nightmares are more than occasional. Poor me.
I wanted to watch the new movie version of Bewitched... heard it has Nicole Kidman in it... but I missed it :(
No idea about Kierthi... but he usually has a lot of work on his hands, it's I who is the jobless guy.
pattar pattar ..take that pattar and this pattar and this and this...pattar...
are you awake ? No NO ??
vc.. pittar pattar raindrops pittar pattar raindrops..ye lo choclate.. for being a gud boy who remembers all nursery rhymes..:D
Ah yes.. Bewitched.. hehe it was the silliest romance movie i hav ever seen. And tat made me laugh a lot throughout. Nicole looks soo pretty n cute. The hero well.. err.. he was just as adorable as his role. LOL.I remmber that movie experience well.. bcaus the movie counter guy gave us the bill of payment.. $ eh forgot to giv us the tickets.. n we were jugglin sodas n popcorns we kinda forgot too. It took us 10 mins to get back! n boy i was so furious by then tat the ice in da soda jus melted as i held it all along.
Hehehe.
hey Prashanth,
talk about waking-up feeling strange ...
I heard a song ... just matches your pridicament ...
MUST BE THE SEASON OF THE W-I-T-C-H !! (Donovan)
When I look out my window,
Many sights to see...
And when I look in my window,
So many different people to be
That it's strange, so strange.
You've got to pick up every stitch,
You've got to pick up every stitch,
You've got to pick up every stitch,
ummmm, must be the season of the witch,
Must be the season of the W-I-T-C-H, yeah,
Must be the SEASON OF THE WITCH...
The music is absolutely captivating!!!
-*I
Hmm I have been in UK for 5 weeks and have stayed in 4 apartments so far (1 in edinburgh and 1 in london) and I will be moving into the 5th this weekend. There are some houses that have this warm 'come-inside' welcoming feel where I would take pleasure in tidying things up even if there is a cleaner coming in every week. There are others which are not worth my while and I'd throw my hands up and says let it go to the dogs and my room partners.
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